Many things in the previous days, weeks, and months prior to my departure said that I should not be going on this trip. Everything that could have gone wrong right before I left, did and some. One being what I will have to deal with as soon as I get back, my car. It was broken into and vandalized 4 days before I left. However, there was so much going on, I had no choice but to leave.
My entire life was left in a terminal at O'Hare Airport that evening. Everything I worked for, strived to achieve, my hopes, dreams, aspiration; feelings of guilt, shame and fright; Fear of failure, loneliness and ignorance, all left sitting in a pile in that terminal on September 15, 2010 at 8:40 pm. (Now the fear of flying, that one didn't go no where! It sat next to me on the plane the WHOOLE WAY! LBVS)
Now it almost time for me to return to the states and I am unsure how I feel about this. Part of me is ready, and anxiously anticipating my return home, ready to pick up where I left off; while the other half found new hopes, dreams and aspirations acquired while here. And I am not sure if I can simply leave them in London as I did to the previous back in September. Its as if I have become a different person and I know people expect me to be the same old "Blake," yet in reality, he is sitting in a terminal at O'Hare. And I don't think I want to collect him from lost and found when I get back.
I have changed so much, have a new outlook on life, I am almost certain people will have trouble letting go of the old Blake. Especially considering how hard it was for me to let him go. Don't get me wrong, Im still ME, I just have a different desires, perspectives, and ways of doing things. I never anticipated being here would change me this much, but I must say it has been for the better.
I don't know, Im ready for this to be over. Ready for the new semester, and some good weather! My time in Europe is almost over...
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